Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Hope is a messed up thing. You sit there and know that hope is all you have, and that even then, you don’t know if hope is even enough. You try not to get your hopes up because you know its unrealistic, and you know you’re going to be devastated (there’s that word again!) when things don’t go as you hope they do.

Hope is defined by as being both a verb and a noun. Verb "hope" means 1] to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence. 2] To believe, desire, or trust. Noun "hope" means 1] the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. 2] Grounds for this feeling in a particular instance. 3] Something that is hoped for.

Now, this feeling of ours. Hope. It's a tease really. You sit there and you think, "He'll call me", or "This fight will end soon", and what you're really doing is telling yourself something that yes, stops you from bawling your eyes out like the hoover dam just broke, but you're lying to yourself. Lying by default, since you don't really know what the outcome will be anyways.

What about hopes and dreams? Me? I hope to be a novelist someday. I hope that certain things turn out "okay" in the end. And I'm sitting here telling myself, "If it's not okay, it's not the end." And I can't tell if that's some sick mantra I've been taught to say to keep my mind from exploding from all the emotional pressure, or if it's the truth. It's something I hope will be correct. But then again, there are different types of endings too. So that's a whole other can of worms that... maybe one day I'll open.

Hope. Hope is supposed to be something that gets you by in trouble times. Hope is also a synonym of trust. Trust. Ha. So when you hope for something you "trust" that it will happen. What if that "trust" is broken? What if what you think will happen doesn't happen at all? Then you're sitting there empty handed saying, "Gee, thanks a lot "hope!""

Not to say that Trust and Hope are entirely related, but they are sort of similar. Me? I have trust issue. Does that mean I have Hope issues too? Because I'm pretty sure that my heart is overflowing with all sorts of hope right now. Hope for the future. Hope for today. Hope for right now. Hope that you're reading this. Hope that you wont forget me. Hope that I'll stay with you. Hope that you'll come back again.

In the end though? All I have is hope until I see what happens next. So give me a little hope people. What are your thoughts?